


Throwing Away Your Worries

by artificialperidot



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst, Branjie, F/F, Fluff, High School AU, Lesbian AU, Teen AU, Uploading Old Work, tw internalised homophobia, tw mentions of abuse/eating disorders but neither are a plot point
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:07:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23278321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artificialperidot/pseuds/artificialperidot
Summary: Vanessa never cried. But, since she realised she might be in love with Brooke, she didn’t know how to stop.
Relationships: Brooke Lynn Hytes/Vanessa Vanjie Mateo, Vanessa - Relationship
Comments: 3
Kudos: 18





	Throwing Away Your Worries

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fluffy angsty teen Branjie one shot that I wrote almost a year ago for artificialqueens, but I’m uploading it now because I’ve just made ao3. I’ll be uploading some of my other work here too if anyone is interested. Come talk to me on my tumblr @artificialperidot, I love talking to people! And please don’t be shy, give me some feedback!

It all started with the worries.

Everyone who knew Vanessa would have described her as a worrier. And that wasn’t a bad thing, she’d tell herself- that her worries meant that she cared. They meant that she wanted everything to be correct and good and happy. And that surely couldn’t be a bad thing

But this time her worries were different. They weren’t a temporary occurrence that would stay in her mind for a day or two before drifting away. These worries couldn’t be fixed so easily. And, because she couldn’t fix them, they stayed, floating around her brain. And, as the worries stayed in her mind, she thought about them more, and as she thought about them more, her worries grew and grew.

Until her worries felt so big that they weighed her down. And she didn’t think she was strong enough to lift the weight.

Thoughts spun in Vanessa’s head like tornados, wreaking havoc upon every part of her day- no matter if she was with her family, or doing an exam in school, or texting a friend, she was endlessly tormented by the same worries. She would try to distract herself- watch a movie, read, paint- but it was all in vain, and her worries seeped through into the film or the book or the canvas.

And that’s why she was crying. 

Vanessa never cried. Never. She thought that it seemed like she was crying over nothing. That all of her problems were stupid. People are dying of hunger. People are being persecuted for their religion. People suffer abuse, depression, eating disorders, the list of horrible things goes on.

Vanessa had a good family life. She had good friends, a good home, food, shelter, money, an education- who the fuck was she to cry?

Maybe that’s partially why she was crying. Not just the worries, but also her guilt.

She had holed herself up in her room, and she hadn’t left it in hours. She sat on the floor, enveloped in darkness, and hugged her knees- an accurate image of how she was trying to hold herself together. She didn’t want anyone to see her. She didn’t want to make someone else feel sad because of her. So she sat alone, racking her brain for a solution to the loosing battle in her head.

Her brain told her to ignore the problem- that it wasn’t anywhere near as bad as what other people are dealing with, and that she should stop over exaggerating. And, even though her gut told her it was a terrible idea, her heart told her that she need to confront it. It seemed to be the only thing in her life that she could still make sense of.

So, in the darkness, the tears staining her cheeks, she fumbled for her phone and she sent a message to her only person who she thought would know what to do.

Brooke.

Her fingers shook as she pattered out the short message on the screen, the white light illuminating her face in the darkness. She got a reply almost immediately: ‘I’ll be right over’ .And then she waited. And hoped. Hoped that she wasn’t about to make it all worse. Hoped her world wouldn’t come crumbling down. Hoped that her friend would rescue her.

Minutes passed like hours on Christmas Eve, but before long the door was swung open, streams of light flowing into the darkness of her bedroom. Brooke’s silhouette broke the light and came towards Vanessa, a hand outstretched towards her.

“Hi. Let’s go” Brooke simply said, reaching to help Vanessa up.

“What?- where are we going?”

“Somewhere nicer than this.”

“But, my mom, I need to ask her.”

“It’s fine, I already told her before I came in.”

“But l-I’ve been crying, and my face is a mess and-“ Vanessa’s voice cracked.

“Shh. It’s fine. You look fine. And no one will see us, anyway. So let’s go.”

Vanessa weakly clutched Brooke’s fingers, and the older girl hauled her up and led her out of the door, out of the house, out of the darkness.

Brooke and Vanessa had met when Brooke moved into her neighbourhood from Canada when they were kids. And, even though they didn’t go to the same school, they became friends. Best friends. They’d visit each other almost every day. And when Brooke’s cat died or when Vanessa got really sick, they were there for each other. That’s just the way it had always been.

And now they were 16. And they were still as close as ever. But Vanessa had started getting worries. About Brooke.

Not bad worries about Brooke. No, of course not. Brooke was amazing. She seemed like a stone-cold bitch but she really wasn’t. She was kind. Caring. She was there for Vanessa when she felt like no one else was.

And now, Vanessa worried that she was falling in love with her.

Brooke had led her through the woods, their fingers still intertwined. They ran off the stony pathway and down a small hill, and they stopped at the banks of a small pond, decorated with moss and leaves that floated on its surface. The dark water glimmered before them, and reflected the warm sunset that lit the sky in front of them. It was like something you’d see in a movie. 

“Wow, I- Brooke, how’d you find this place? It’s so wonderful.” Vanessa inhaled, filling her lungs with the fresh air.

“I know, right? My grandad used to live in a house nearby. He’d take me up through the forest on what we called ‘adventures’ when I was little. This was always my favourite spot.” Brooke flashed Vanessa a smile, and jumped up to sit on top of a large rock at the water’s edge. Vanessa copied her, pushing herself up beside her friend.

“Now, what’s up?” Brooke said, turning to face Vanessa.

Vanessa was silent for a moment. She wasn’t sure what to tell Brooke. 

She didn’t want to tell Brooke that she liked girls. She didn’t want to loose the best part of her life because Brooke wouldn’t accept her. And, even more so, she didn’t want to tell her that she liked her. No. No way. She wasn’t even sure if it was real. And she couldn’t like her. She couldn’t. She was straight, she had to be straight, she had to-

“You know, silence isn’t gonna solve a problem,” Brooke said, placing a hand on Vanessa’s shoulder. “I’m here to listen. You can tell me.” Vanessa looked deeply into her eyes and felt herself melt inside, just a little, the biting coldness of the air being thawed by Brooke’s touch.

No. She was straight. This, whatever it was, wasn’t real. She had to be straight. She had to be.

Vanessa looked down, ashamed, breaking the eye contact. “I can’t. Not yet.”

“That’s okay. Don’t worry. We can just talk for a bit, if you want. About anything you want to.”

And so, they talked. They talked for what felt like hours. They talked until Vanessa almost forgot about everything that was going on inside her head. And, Vanessa felt okay. Not perfect. But okay.

And then the conversation shifted. They took it in turns opening up to each other, more than they ever had before. Brooke talked about how she was afraid she had no personality. Vanessa talked about her exam anxiety and how she felt that she needed to be perfect. The two of them poured their hearts out to each other, because they knew they wouldn’t be judged. That they were in a safe place. Alone. Together.

Before long, Vanessa felt safe enough to tell her. She was scared, admittedly. She knew that this could change everything. It could make her loose the person that she needed the most. And she would have to admit to being something that she had convinced herself she never wanted to be.

But Vanessa told all of the voices in her head to shut up. She didn’t want to believe she had to be straight. She didn’t want to keep pretending that she was. She didn’t want to keep imagining what what happen if no one accepted her.

She was done lying to herself. Lying to Brooke.

“I... I think I wanna talk about it.”

“Go for it. You can tell me anything.”

She gathered all the courage that she had in her body, and squeezed her eyes shut as she whispered to Brooke.

“I think I like girls.”

And, all at once, she burst into floods of tears. And she couldn’t stop. she didn’t want to stop. She needed to get everything out. Every little thought and worry that had built up in her head. She bawled until her throat was sore and her chest hurt and she couldn’t breathe.

Brooke opened her arms. Vanessa fell onto her, burying her face into her shoulder as her body shook. And Brooke held her, as close as she could.

“It’s okay. It’s okay, Vanessa. I’m so proud of you. I love you, no matter what. And I always will.”

Brooke’s grip tightened as hard as it could around Vanessa’s small frame. She wanted her to know it was all going to be okay. That she understood. She sat in silence, holding her for as long as she needed.

Vanessa’s breathing started to calm down, and she reached up to wipe her eyes, still leaning in to Brooke’s embrace. Her heart felt warm. She felt loved. And, with tears still brimming in her eyes, she smiled weakly up at Brooke.

A real smile. The first in a long time.

And, even though her worries were still there, they felt a little lighter. She knew that one day she’d half to tell her family. She knew she’d have to face rejection from someone at some point. But the one person she needed to accept her did. And Brooke’s words replayed in her head, drowning out the worries.

When Vanessa had calmed down. Brooke jumped down from the rock. She lifted two stones from the ground, handing one to Vanessa, and pulled the smaller girl down from the rock to stand beside her. 

“Skim it,” Brooke said, before masterfully skimming her stone across the surface of the water.

Vanessa threw her stone and it landed with a heavy splash in the water before sinking straight to the bottom. Brooke chuckled, and Vanessa felt a small, slightly embarrassed smile form on her lips.

Brooke bent over and picked up another pebble, handing it to the other girl. Vanessa savoured the short second of eye contact. “Try again.”

Vanessa threw it, and this time it bounced across the surface of the glimmering pond. She couldn’t help feeling a sense of pride in her chest.

“Good, that one was really good!” Brooke said, resting a hand on Vanessa’s shoulder and flashing her a grin, before searching for more stones to continue their game.

They threw as many stones as they could find into the water, creating a silent a competition to see who could skim the most. The game made Vanessa forget about her tear stained face and she felt like a little kid again. The two of them erupted into laughter when she threw a rather large, heavy rock into the water, causing water to splash all over them, cold droplets landing on their skin. They squealed and laughed and, even though they were soaked, they felt warm in each other’s company.

“It kinda feels like you’re throwing away your worries, doesn’t it?” Brooke tucked a lock of her blonde hair behind her ear. By this time it was already dark, and small stars speckled the dark sky above them.

“Yeah. It does,” Vanessa murmured. And it was true.

“You’re so much more than you know, Vanessa. You’re not a worrier. You’re a warrior.”

Brooke reached out and arm to Vanessa’s side, and the two interlocked their fingers. 

Vanessa wanted to hold her hand forever. Not just because she liked her. Not just because her hand was warm and gentle and soft. Not just because she was the only person that reminded her that she could be strong.

But because it reminded her that she was alive. That she was living and breathing, and that another human could confirm that. And it filled her with a new-found sense of hope for the future.

“Thank you,” Vanessa whispered. “For everything.”

Brooke squeezed her hand in response. They gazed out at the black pool of water which sparkled under the crescent moon, their reflections floating on the surface.

“I like it here,” Vanessa said, still treasuring the feeling of Brooke’s hand in hers. 

“I knew you would.” Brooke sighed in contentment.

“It’s beautiful.”

“Even though I know you can’t see it, so are you.”

Vanessa turned to face her in surprise, her heart swelling. Their eyes connected. And before she knew what was happening, Brooke leaned towards her and engulfed her in a soft kiss, wrapping her arms around her waist and holding her close.

The kiss tasted of strawberries.

And, just like that, Vanessa’s worries melted away.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Feel free to leave any feedback, and come say hi over at my sideblog @artificialperidot on tumblr :)


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